Archive | January, 2018

I/We Speak…

22 Jan

What about the ones that came before us?!

I saw a comment earlier that really pained my heart, it was from an elderly survivor of child sexual abuse. The comment was made on Facebook on a thread of exchanges from survivors and supporters alike, but this particular comment caused me to pause for a moment. The first line of her comment simply stated “I am jealous” The statement first caught me off guard based on the conversation we were having, I read a little further and as I completed her response my heart broke. The rest of the comment read, “I am happy all this (CSA) is being spoken about and victims are speaking out but we never had that for my generation.”

There, I don’t know if it was the words ‘my generation’ or the fact that I could sense the genuine pain through her words that did me in, but I sat back in the chair as tears welled in my eyes, I exited Facebook. This single comment made me stop and think about something I have but too often said, ‘I can only imagine how many have passed on, both men and women who have had the experience of being sexually abused as a child and had to live with the pain and trauma until there dying day. This woman words resonated with me in such away it hurts, but instantly I was reassured of ONE of the many reasons I speak…

Yes, I have joined forces with the few that have decided to speak up and speak out about their ordeals to bring about awareness and incite change. Personally I speak knowing I may not be able to stop (CSA) but if I can prevent or save just one child from suffering the years of secrecy and shame, the pain and my years of mental torment would not be in vain.

Join me as I/We Journey2Free. From my heart to yours, reassign the shame… Speak!

Still I Fight!

17 Jan

Isn’t it ironic that the only pictures I had in my possession as a CHILD happens to be school pictures taken at ages 5 when I was first sexually abused and ages 11 when I was first raped by my grandmother’s husband.

I look at these pictures and anger sometimes surfaces, I see a CHILD, I see innocence, I see purity all of which and more was selfishly stolen from me, but then I take a second look and I see a resilient little CHILD, one that has/have lived with immeasurable pain yet still happens to maintain while striving to reclaim ALL that was taken… Dear R.A.E. you will watch me rise! #journey2free #childsexualabuse #reassigntheshame #speak #dearrae #stopviolenceagainstchildren #iwillrise #iwillfight #iwillsurvive #timesup #advocate #speakupspeakout #inpursuitoffreedom #inpursuitofme #metoomovement #keepthestoriesalive #iwillnotstoptalking

Family in Ruins…

14 Jan

I NEVER thought in a million years that victims that were sexually abused as children that have lived with guilt and shame FINALLY having the courage to speak about their ordeal could ever result in something this nasty!

I’ve heard and read of families being at odds with each other but to the levels that have been displayed here… This is beyond classless and disrespectful coming from folks that previously expressed and verbalized their love to and for each other. We have completely moved away from agreeing to disagree, having or sharing differences of opinions, respectfully disagreeing while still maintaining class and respect for each other. As a (family) when we don’t agree or even want to believe we should still maintain respect but no not with us… every shred of decency has been removed and what is left is the tearing down, the revictimizing of victims, the name calling, the disrespect, we have even gone as far as to threaten lives!!

My God what is Love?! What is Family?! This is beyond unbelievable! Folks that I once truly respected and admired and at one point looked up to, this is beyond heart breaking! I have seen, heard, witness and been taught over the past 4 1/2 years that things are never as they seem. It doesn’t matter how we dress it up, educate it up, live it up, cover it up, pretty it up a persons true nature will ALWAYS be revealed!

I expected some backlash, I expected some cursing and disagreements, I expected feathers to be ruffled because no one wants to believe that within their family (our family) something as vile and disgusting as sexual abuse and rape of children could/can happen!. No one wants that or even wants to be apart of or associated with anything of this nature, UNDERSTOODBUT when it resorts to being ultimately disrespected, being called or referred to as DOGS this goes beyond saying…

I can’t understand for the life of me, if YOU were never molested or raped by a particular perpetrator why does it affect you so?! The perpetrator have done their crime WHY are you so bothered by what others claim, feel or say if it wasn’t you?!… WHY do you continue to take things onto yourselves that has nothing to do with you?! I thought, in fact I know we are all adults and we will have to stand in our truths and take responsibility for our actions one way or the other… The constant personalizing, questioning or judging of another’s act or choice when did it become ours?!

Of this much I am CERTAIN, doesn’t matter how much we insult, belittle, berate or disrespect each other the TRUTH remains the TRUTH!! Truth can not be tainted, dispelled or negated!!! I just wished we all could have supported or not support but do so with more class but then again one would truly have to have class to do so!

My simple prayer is that TRULY this family would/will be able to get beyond this. There will be no LOVE lost for sure but this too shall pass. Unfortunately it will pass with a family where some bonds and relationships will never be recovered from because some words we can NEVER take back!

The worst part of this is that ALL of us are parents… I Pray none of our children or grandchildren EVER experience what myself and so many others have… the irony of that would be you same lot would want that perpetrator to pay for their crimes (but as long as it doesn’t come on your doorstep ‘who cares right?!)

Truth is from the behavior of a few of you your children probably would never even say! And before you’ll go swearing ‘my child would or wouldn’t’, use the time you’ve committed to bashing victims to go do some research!

I knew of and have experience conditional love (love with conditions) love of convenience, temperate love but I didn’t know that would have been displayed to this magnitude within this family…

I expect the name calling and bashing of myself and the other victims to continue after a selective few of you have read this, but even so one thing is for sure we CAN NOT disrespect, shame, curse/cuss, deny the TRUTH away… My hope is that we can go back to being civilized humans (imperfect beings) or at least try to be civil to each other (though that maybe a stretch for some) I know you will protest to my saying this but regardless I LOVE YOU ALL, whether you choose to accept or DENYLIFE GOES ON…

I for one will love you and continue to pray for you but from a distance.

Be blessed guys…❤❤❤ May God help us all!!

The Healing Process:

3 Jan

The healing process or The process of healing is as unique to each individual as their finger prints. We all experience and process things differently, therefore we heal differently. Do Not try to stop, block or hinder one’s process. The best you can do is be supportive and patient.