Living…

It’s been a crazy week of emotional highs and lows but God!

Mother’s Day began with one sick child which resulted in an ER visit, after bringing that child home from the hospital, two days later having to rush the other child to the ER after a school accident, while all the time fighting my own physical challenges living in New England with bipolar weather, dealing with a chronic disease…

It gets overwhelming at times but it is called living! We will not escape challenges, test and trials as long as we are alive, the beauty however is that WE are alive and living!

Breath through those moments that threaten to knock the wind out of you, accept those things you have no control over and cannot change, brush your shoulders off and remember “this too shall pass”

A new week have begun, I am anticipating a much better week though even during through the good, the bad, the happy the sad, I will remain grateful.

Have a great week my lovelies. God bless you all. Much love ❤️❤️❤️❤️

#thankful #living #alive #grateful #journey2free #acceptance #life

IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

To every SURVIVOR of child sexual abuse KNOW this…

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

Being taken advantage of sexually as a child WASN’T your fault then and it WASN’T/ISN’T your fault now!!

A child CANNOT! and I repeat, A child CANNOT give consent to sex!!

I know we often feel as if something we did or said warranted the abuse in an attempt to justify what happened, but rest assured YOU DID NOTHING to cause the abuse!!

The only thing we were guilty of is placing/putting our trust in the adults that were meant to protect us not harm us!

Change the narrative, change your thoughts, change your beliefs…

From my heart to yours. I/we Journey 2 Free.

#Journey2Free #reassigntheshame #speak #unmasked #standingstrong #survivingatallcost #survivor

Revelations…

It’s amazing sometimes to discover some habits and practices we carried over into adulthood from our childhood. One such habit for me is my inability to sleep without waking at nights.

Two occurrences in my childhood attributes to my being a very light sleeper today. I was a rather sound sleeper before these two incidents. The house could have blown down and I would have been none the wiser prior to the first sexually violated I experienced at age five (5) and the second incident being my family being robbed at gun point at age ten (10). I unintentionally bid uninterrupted sleep goodbye.

It’s been years since ages 5 & 10 but the fact is, the residual effects of childhood trauma last a lifetime, and for those that have never been helped, counseled or supported the manifestation of traumatic childhood experiences are endless.

What is one thing you do today that can be attributed to a childhood experience?

STAND!

Stand even when the odds are against you!

Stand even through the fears!

Stand even when they talk about you!

Stand even when they don’t agree!

Stand even when it’s difficult to breath!

Stand, even if you stand alone!

For what’s the alternative?!

I sat through all the horrors!

I sat through all the pains!

I sat through all the judgements!

I sat through all the tears!

I sat through all the abuse!

I sat alone through my fears!

They weren’t there to carry me, in fact they say they don’t understand!

They weren’t there to comfort me or lend a helping hand!

Just like me they quivered, refusing to verbalize pain, till what remained was my barely living, merely surviving, shallow, emptied frame.

They won’t understand it, and some never will!

But, by the grace of God Almighty, with all the stares, judgements and disapproval I will remain STANDING still! Larissa (Rizzy) Rhone.

International Woman’s Day March

#journey2free #reassigntheshame #stand

#internationalwomansdaymarch

#guessspeaker #honored #fillwithgratitude

Family – Love Redefined…

When you decide to speak up about child sexual abuse, you will experience various reactions from various people. Survivors would like to believe ‘family’ will be the most supportive, but often times we experience the opposite. My experience was no different. Oprah once said “sometimes you have to divorce your family” I’m not sure who divorced whom in my case, but I knew some separation took place. On this my Journey 2 Free; I had to accept my new reality, one I’ve grown accustom to, for after all, I had to choose me, my sanity, my health and my well being over family, it was either that or the mental asylum, I choose the former. Love Redefined was written last year as a journal entry but just this past week I bore witness to the character assassination and verbal abuse of a few family and friends at the hands (and dare I say mouth) of family, because they too choose to speak of their ordeals. A new day has dawned and while ‘we’ survivors garner the strength and the courage to speak up and out, please bare in mind being judged, being called names and worst ‘being called a liar’ is seemingly apart of the speaking out process, I implore us ALL as survivors to STAND IN YOUR TRUTH regardless of what ‘they‘ may say:

Love Redefined

My family made me question, rethink and re-evaluate the definition of Love.

I use to believe we were tight, so inter-connected, a closely knit bunch, we would hang-out, be cordial, do the things expected of us to do like talk about accomplishments, about each other, and what uncle, aunty or cousin so and so was up to, we congratulate when congratulations were in order, you know, the usual things families do, then part ways, go back to our respective places, and when need arise we do it again;

 BUT

If you want to truly know how tightly knit, and who’s with, for or against you, do something like I did, and watch the family split; How dare you do something the uppities and overly self-righteous don’t agree with?!

So, I spoke up and sought justice for an injustice that span generations in the family, knowing the act was wrong, it’s not that THEY didn’t know, or understand, but no-one took action, so the injustice prolonged. Everyone has an opinion, this is true, the opinions ranged from girl go ahead do you! To WHO DARE YOU SPEAK, AND SPEAK ABOUT WHAT WAS DONE TO YOU?!  Accused of bringing shame and disgrace on the family, some dared to say I brought embarrassment on my dear old granny, but granny had a choice to make, and so did I! She choose to side with her husband, I choose to speak in hopes of saving lives.

Grandma’s husband is a pedeophile and after the lives he’s ruined, she’s still by his side yet, some family members behaved as if victims committing suicide would have been more acceptable than confronting the one performing mental genocide, murdering the self-esteems and shattering prides and forcibly taking with delight the innocences of the female babies on her side

In this family, we struggle with a chronic case of duplicity, some may say split personalities but, I call it blatant hypocrisy, this particular act stems from the matriarch of the family, yes, it rots from the head of the tree!

I would listen to grandma and some relatives speak with great delight of others while they were in their sight, but the moment their backs were turned the compliments also took flight. They are bold, saying what they need to say, but to get their way they’ve mastered their craft, learning how to manipulate, so, it comes as no surprise when this family split, and for my part I’ll gladly take ownership. I spoke up and out and yes sought justice for the injustice, while some did what they do best, pretending to be supportive of cousins, sisters, daughters while spreading propaganda to others, by now, they are well versed in spreading their unintentional lies intentionally. Hypocrisy is the name of the game, unfortunately sown and deeply rooted in some of the off springs veins, for I’ve never before seen a set more versed in knowing truth but instead, intentionally and purposefully propagate and circulate lies, yet the question remains, Why?!

Why did so many take this personally, when my issue was with the one that raped me?! Why?! They weren’t there, yet the majority felt the need to tell me how they think I should feel and the audacity to offer a timeframe of healing and recovery at their suggested speed!

Love Redefined: I’m not sure what Love means anymore, see, my family have me questioning 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4, for their love was neither patient, nor was it kind but instead crude, cruel and harmful combined. They tried to shame me into thinking I was wrong to speak, blatantly telling me, it’s attention I seek. I’ve heard this saying repeatedly, but it’s one with which I’m afraid I can’t agree that “no matter how we fuss and fight we still are family!” Unfortunately, that maybe so biologically but beside’s that fact, there’s some actions taken and some words spoken from which we can’t back!

They are ways to handle feuds and conflicts between friends and family, and that is where we all agree to disagree, Respectfully! BUT NO, Not in my family! For it’s a pissing contest to prove who’s draws is tighter than the rest, not to mention the heated war of words to see who can verbally humiliate, assassinate and pulverize the other. We send threats and beat our breasts and puff our chest and spew flames of fire, until all that’s left are the chard remains of what use to be,  We use to be…

 FAMILY

I/We Speak…

What about the ones that came before us?!

I saw a comment earlier that really pained my heart, it was from an elderly survivor of child sexual abuse. The comment was made on Facebook on a thread of exchanges from survivors and supporters alike, but this particular comment caused me to pause for a moment. The first line of her comment simply stated “I am jealous” The statement first caught me off guard based on the conversation we were having, I read a little further and as I completed her response my heart broke. The rest of the comment read, “I am happy all this (CSA) is being spoken about and victims are speaking out but we never had that for my generation.”

There, I don’t know if it was the words ‘my generation’ or the fact that I could sense the genuine pain through her words that did me in, but I sat back in the chair as tears welled in my eyes, I exited Facebook. This single comment made me stop and think about something I have but too often said, ‘I can only imagine how many have passed on, both men and women who have had the experience of being sexually abused as a child and had to live with the pain and trauma until there dying day. This woman words resonated with me in such away it hurts, but instantly I was reassured of ONE of the many reasons I speak…

Yes, I have joined forces with the few that have decided to speak up and speak out about their ordeals to bring about awareness and incite change. Personally I speak knowing I may not be able to stop (CSA) but if I can prevent or save just one child from suffering the years of secrecy and shame, the pain and my years of mental torment would not be in vain.

Join me as I/We Journey2Free. From my heart to yours, reassign the shame… Speak!

Still I Fight!

Isn’t it ironic that the only pictures I had in my possession as a CHILD happens to be school pictures taken at ages 5 when I was first sexually abused and ages 11 when I was first raped by my grandmother’s husband.

I look at these pictures and anger sometimes surfaces, I see a CHILD, I see innocence, I see purity all of which and more was selfishly stolen from me, but then I take a second look and I see a resilient little CHILD, one that has/have lived with immeasurable pain yet still happens to maintain while striving to reclaim ALL that was taken… Dear R.A.E. you will watch me rise! #journey2free #childsexualabuse #reassigntheshame #speak #dearrae #stopviolenceagainstchildren #iwillrise #iwillfight #iwillsurvive #timesup #advocate #speakupspeakout #inpursuitoffreedom #inpursuitofme #metoomovement #keepthestoriesalive #iwillnotstoptalking