Parents please…

19 Aug

Silencing a child that have been sexually abused does significant harm that is sometimes irreversible… 

1. It reeks havoc on the child’s self-esteem 

2. It forces the child to be introverted 

3. It causes the child to second guess there own thoughts, voice, instincts, feelings, emotions and judgement. 

4. It teaches the child that their feelings and worth is secondary to that of others…

5. It causes the child to not trust others and the list goes on…

Parents be careful of the subliminal messages and lessons you’re teaching your child/ren 

Parents be present! Parents listen! Parents be proactive! 

#journey2free #CSA #speak #takeaction #reassigntheshame #struggles #hardship #overcoming

Growing Pains…

14 Aug

When your circle begins to shrink it’s not necessarily a bad thing;

A shrinking or shrunken circle can signify growth…

The weeding process for me began a few years ago and it amazes me to see some of who and what I had to release, the funny thing is, while my circle decreases clarity and cause increases.

It’s never an easy process! The process often times require a few tears, some gut wrenching blows ‘especially to ego’, some heart breaks and aches, some wallowing and pity parties and the ultimate realization, acceptance and release.

Stand strong in ALL of it for as long as you don’t succumb to the pressures you will be that much stronger/better from it.

#journey2free #rewiring #release #pain #hurt #realiziation #inthepursuitofme #love

Growth…

31 Jul

As the month of July 2017 draws closer to the end I sit for a moment and put into perspective how far I have traveled or have come. It was only a year ago I was in this very spot asking God what is to HE wanted from me, A year ago I had completely lost all hope, in fact I had given up thinking and believing that outside of my two boys I had nothing to live for. I was totally convinced  that death would have been sweater than living and had it not been for my boys and the belief that ‘no other can love, protect or be as vigilant for them as me…

Fast forward a year later, so much have changed, old hurts and pains ‘somewhat’ contained,  anger subsided ‘some,’ I am able to see my shortcomings and though less than pleasing at times it’s all necessary and needed on this ere journey. Growth/change is beautiful and though change can be rather inconvenient, uncomfortable and hurtful at times I look forward to what’s to come, the next move, the next opened door, the next big break or opportunity, the next face I meet, the next story shared, the next speaking engagement, the next impacted life, the next empowered child and the list goes on… wondering how much farther do I have left to go and just how much growing I have left for total transformation and freedom.  The lessons, the discoveries, the awakenings are extremely difficult but vital to my growth. Truth is I eagerly await and welcome it All.

Court Day 8: Frustration Sets In…

3 Jul

Almost there… Personally counting down the days for the court saga to be through so much has happened since then. So much to share but travel, crappy wifi and multiple projects along with being a mother have me a bit swamped but I’m still here…

 

 

Interrupt The Pattern…

17 Jun

So many of us were born into dysfunction, so many of us still live, breath and accept dysfunction as the norm unfortunately not being able to recognize or even call it out its name. 
So many of us inflicted, deeply scared mentally, emotionally some physically, by hurts that were not even ours to begin with, born to parents and into families that are unable to see or acknowledge their level of dysfunction. 
So many of us have and will continue to repeat the cycle of dysfunction giving to our children what we ‘got’ withholding what was withheld and the perpetual cycle remains becoming the damning gift that keeps giving…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BUT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do we break cycles, interrupt patterns and create change?! 
Acknowledgement being the first step, being able to recognize dysfunction, being able to uncomfortably sit/stand in dysfunction, being opened to feel (why are we so afraid to feel?!) yes, it will hurt, it will not feel good, it will be overwhelming, you may cry some like myself will bawl, but in order to release it, you have to first recognize it, accept it, be willing to work through it creating change and then release it, yes, let it go! 
Releasing dysfunction, creating shifts, adaptation to new and healthier patterns may result in the release or letting go of some habits and people including family, relatives, friends, associates that no longer serves us. Be reminded, some people are blinded unable to see or accept dysfunction it’s the only thing they identify with, its rooted and embedded in the fabric of who they are and that’s ok but for me I’m releasing, letting go and slowly but surely saying farewell to that which no longer serves me. 
 Refusing to pass on to my offsprings the dysfunction I was born into, bore witness to, I received, I mimicked, I learned, patterned, identified with and repeated. I am creating a new normal, change MUST come! I am tired, yes, I grew weary of trying to figure it out to make sense of it, or understand it. To each their own but dysfunction no longer serves me, there is another way, a better way and even if there isn’t I’ll create a way… Larissa
Enjoy your Saturday my lovelies. Be blessed. Love you!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
#journey2free #CSA #dysfunction #betrayal #newnorms #release #newday

Intervene…

13 Jun

Sexually abused children who aren’t believed or don’t receive help are more likely to have long-term problems with:

*Trusting themselves and others
*Self-confidence (due to unresolved guilt/shame)
*Mild to serious mental health problems
*Romantic/sexual relationships as an adolescent and adult
*Increased vulnerability to future social trauma…

Yet so many are still of the belief that being sexually abused as a child is no big deal! To those foolish enough to think this I say go educate yourselves!!

The list of cause and effects after such trauma (CSA) is never ending if a child is not helped, these issues carries to adulthood…

#journey2free #CSA #beintheknow #awareness #triumph #survivor #overcoming #educatethineself #J2F

Dearest Grandma… Trailer

7 Jun

Dearest Grandma, Awaken from your Slumber! (Prelude)

Let it begin…

Too many hurting!

On this journey…

In the midst of life there is death…

8 May

Postings to my Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4zuyxOC9foTd_Si_9AISZw  will resume shortly… Please feel free to subscribe, follow, comment, share…

 

 

Lessons: A Box of Plantains

1 May

Walked into a grocery store earlier tonight in search of a few Jamaican items. I knew this particular store carried the needed items so I made the trip. I went in for plantains amongst other things hoping to make my son some porridge in the morning. Already in a bit of a mood I approached the plantain display, my immediate thought was ‘these plantains look diseased‘. Jamaicans would refer to them as flucksy and full of yawz (unfit, young, not ready for consumption) Disappointed, I turned to walk away, but then decided to go back for a second look, to look a little deeper inside the container. To my astonishment, just under the first two rows of unfit looking plantains were some plump, fit, rather green and much healthier looking ones, I instantly paused, smile and drew a comparison, not because of my discovery but the fact that I had so quickly rushed to judgement and now felt silly.

Lesson:  A powerful yet humbling reminder inside the grocery store. Do not be so quick to disregard, walk away, turn noses up/down or turn our backs on something/someone not to our liking or satisfaction at first glance. Sometimes the surface looks dejected, battered, even unpleasant but if we just exercise a little patience, dig a little deeper and go beyond the surface we would be pleasantly amazed at what we find.

Reminder: Things are not always what they seem. Look beyond the surface.

Journey To Redemption

26 Apr

While rehearsing last night I broke down emotionally. During Act 1 something happen, not sure if it was the name calling, the intensity in which the lead actress delivered, the emotionally charged play or the flash back I had smack dab in the middle of my opening performance. Fact is, it happened. I felt the tears welling, I tried to fight it but, when I had to shout the words slut and whore directed at the lead actress ‘who’s playing a victim of child sexual abuse’ within that moment the flood gates open and the tears streamed down my face. I could feel it coming, one of those moments when I needed to be alone to feel, process and make sense of what was happening. I knew then no amount of reassurance from a cast I’m just getting to know was going to help me, I needed a moment to just bawl. I immediately walked off stage, found a corner back stage and I cried. Soon after the cast had finished rehearsing scene one and were slowly making their way back stage, I transformed into that girl that would never dare to make anyone see her cry but I couldn’t stop, the tears were streaming even faster now, my thoughts going a billion miles a minutes and memories came flooding.  I managed to pull myself together, walked dignifiedly to the nearest bathroom composed enough to check the stalls, realizing then there was no-one there but me so, I gave myself the needed permission to weep, though brief and I did just that.

I cried for a good four minutes,  again gathered myself together, walked back into the rehearsals and onto the stage. Thank God, I was with a group of individuals that have been rather supportive and understanding, so after a few hugs and reassurance I was ready again.

Scene 2 had me questioning myself, was it just a bit too soon to be doing this and why did I agree to play this part or any part for that matter in a play that’s so telling, so raw and so expressive?Well,  It seemed like a great idea at the time and a wonderful opportunity I thought to help my healing process (now, I’m not so sure), however, I made a commitment and I will by the grace of God make do on that commitment, get through my performance, the play and my speaking.

Today I experienced a wide array of emotions, this happens from time to time and is to be expected on this my Journey 2 Free.  I have come to terms with it I believe and acknowledge that on this journey to my freedom, I have to accept the good with the bad, the down right ugly and the sad and try to remain open to it all.  Let’s see what tomorrow brings, but for now, I’ll sit with the emotions I’m currently experiencing, for this too shall pass.