Dearest Grandma…

For years I was asked not to speak about being raped by my maternal grandmothers husband for the sake of protecting my grandmother. Her daughters had grown up with this fear that her husband would have killed her had THEY spoken out about him raping THEM. So, when grandma’s husband turned his gaze upon me at five (5) and began raping me at eleven (11) and even after sticking his fingers inside the body of my three year old sister, we were STILL held to secrecy for the sake of protecting Dearest Grandma from her husband.

I am the first grandchild for my grandmother, my mother her first child and after finding out in my adult years that my own mother was also raped by my grandmothers husband from ages six through sixteen (6-16) I was STILL asked NOT to speak to ‘protect my grandmother’. The level of betrayal I felt from the women in my family got to it’s tipping point when I finally broke my silence and spoke out about the years of abuse. I sought justice and there to meet me every day in court was my ‘grandmother’ who was present in full support of her ‘husband’. I cannot express or put into words what that felt like, seeing the woman that I was asked to shield, show up in defense of the man that raped my mother, myself and fondled a three year old.

After having several conversations with my ‘grandmother’ and realizing that she would have NEVER left her rapist husband’s side for the likes of her offsprings, the harsh reality set in that the matriarch of my family was and is complicit with the evil she brought home. Now, I’m just left to wonder, is that type of mental illness hereditary?!

This spoken piece was written back on February 17th of this year. It was just one of those days when the tears flowed uncontrollably when I thought about the indescribable pain of loss and betrayal I’ve had to endure for 35 long years for the sake of this woman, the woman from who’s loins I descended, the woman that looked at me and asked “can’t you find it in your heart to just get past this, it’s been so long ago?!” Now, this is the lineage from which I was birthed…

Join me as I/WE journey2free. From my heart to yours.

All rights are reserved by Larissa H. Rhone

Thanks to St. Thomas Events for their dedication to bringing this piece to life.

Journey with me…

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I simply cannot believe it’s been almost two years since my last post. It has been so long, and truthfully I have missed you, and I have missed posting! I missed hearing from you and frankly, I missed writing! I haven’t given up my fight, my quest for complete and total freedom of the mind. I must admit, some days were and are trying, the truth however is, I now experience more emotional highs than lows. I do believe I’m well on my way.

My confession: The process became so overwhelming and frustrating at times. I sometimes questioned my motives, my will and my ability to proceed, but I never once felt like quitting, giving up or giving in.  It’s been a long and tedious experience waiting for this trial to begin and being mute after it began came with a price, I’m reminded ever so often though as to the why I embarked on this journey. I am still waiting, waiting patiently to have my day in court. It’s been one hell of a roller coaster ride, experiencing all the different emotions, BUT still holding on. Yes, a difficult process but one that’s also rewarding, and soon enough I will be able to share the details, the good, the bad, the ugly and the indifferent.

I have not forgotten you, neither have I given up on my journey, “MY JOURNEY TO FREEDOM”. So much has happened since my last post, I have experienced so much during this time. I have done so much since then, accomplished some goals, surpassed some major hurdles, reached new levels in my personal growth, however I have achieved very little in a certain quest.

During my blogging hiatus however, one of my greatest achievement was the birth of my beautiful son Josah-Amare. Josah was a needed and welcomed blessing and distraction from all the ugliness i was experiencing. My pregnancy wasn’t without its fair share of test and challenges, Josah named by his then three year old brother. was a gift in the midst of one of my biggest hurdles to date. I know for sure being pregnant and highly stressed is a sure way to cause disaster but, we came through, not unscathed,  but we made it! We are doing well. Amidst all this I learned a few things, gained some new insight and was reminded and reassured of things I may have forgotten.

Things like:

  • People seldom change.
  • Be very careful how you respond to tensed and high stress moments, because “moments are fleeting, you may have regrets”.
  •  “Some people are only in your lives but for a season”, there come a time to prune and weed excess baggage/dead weight.
  • Some folks will NEVER see the good you do, do it anyhow.
  • Not everyone can/may see or accept change or truth for that matter.
  • Don’t take things personally, “just shake some things off and let some people go”.
  • No matter how difficult a situation be courageous, push through or be pulled or it sucks you under.
  • The level of despair and self-worth for some have been so far removed, your best bet is to severe your ties.
  • People will naturally gravitate to what they know best.
  • You can’t, You CANNOT help a person that doesn’t see the need or require help.

I implore you my fellow journey2freeitzs seek freedom in whatever way suitable and freeing to you! It’s of utmost importance, in order to be at peace and sweet contentment, we must no longer cover, hide, suppress, turn a blind eye, conceal secrets and/or restrict, refrain, reject, refuse or deny ourselves total and complete peace.

I will resume posting very soon, as I now realize in order to maintain some level of normalcy, better yet my sanity I must do so! It sounds hilarious but ever so true. I’m still limited to what I can say in regards to my pending trial, but there is so much more to do and so I am literally bursting at the seams as I want to get on with this, it’s ripping my heart to shreds watching, reading and constantly hearing of stories of children being abused daily, something have to be done, we need to unite to protect our children! I love you and I’m so eager to hear from you.

As always, join me as I/we journey to free. The path traveled may be winding and long, it will be difficult and time-consuming but I promise it’s all worth it. Speak, act, do something! Lets play our part or any part in eradicating this evil CSA and protect our children, our society and our sanity.

From my heart to yours:

With Love





I Lived

I Loved

I Laughed

I Prayed

            I Felt Pain

               I Cried

                    I Hurt

                        I was Betrayed

                                     I made Friends

                                         I was a Friend

                                             I lost Friends

                                                 I had enemies

                                                              I was Brave

                                                                 I was Weak

                                                                     I was Strong

                                                                 I was Me!

                                                                                      I Hoped

                                                                                          I Prayed

                                                                                               I Believed

                                                                                                    I Dreamed

                                                                                                                    I Fought

                                                                                                                        I Persevered

                                                                                                                           I took  Chances

                                                                                                                              I Leaped


 I Traveled

   I was Transformed

       I was Reborn!                                                          

                                     I Evolved  

                             I made a Difference 

                                            I made a Change   

                                                 I Forgave

                                                         I Laughed                      

                                                             I Loved

                                                                         I LIVED                   

                                                                   I PRAYED

                                             I WAS UNIQUELY ME!


                                                                                                                                                                                                    By: Larissa Rhone