Tag Archives: Pain

COURT: DAY 7… A GRANDMOTHER’S BETRAYAL.

26 Mar

A Grandmother’s Betrayal… CHOOSE YOU!!!

Some days were unbearable (emotionally). Sitting across from the matriarch of the family, knowing she’s present at court not because of her daughters and granddaughters, but instead in support of her husband that sexually abused her daughters and granddaughters… Some days were tough!

Court: Day 7 This day was rather challenging (mentally) for me. The journey continues…

Court. Day’s 5 & 6

26 Feb

Fighting Against Childhood Sexual Abuse

Standing up for what you believe in and seeking justice in the fight against Child Sexual Abuse seems like an unattainable feat. The challenges, and obstacles presented, the mental struggles, the emotional upheaval having to go back, to relive the memories, the flashbacks, the nightmares… Who knowingly and willingly wants to put themselves through this harsh and rather painful experience? I do and I did!

I HAD TO GO BACK TO MOVE FORWARD! I was tired and exhausted from feeling like a complete stranger in my own body. I was existing but my very existence felt foreign to me. I often felt like an intruder into my own life and body. I was robbed. I was wounded. I was broken. I got tired of living like a mere fraction trying desperately to be whole, but being or feeling whole evaded me.

I brought him (my abuser) to court after thirty (30) long years! The process was EXTREMELY trying and difficult but so worth it! As challenging and difficult as it was and despite the fact the defense attorney tried to paint an awful picture of me to make his case, the feeling of looking my abuser in the eyes (as dreadful as it was at times) I was slowly but surely taking my power back from the BASTARD that had stolen my innocence and robbed me of my self-worth, my trust, MY CHILDHOOD…

Today I stand however, determined to TAKE IT ALL BACK… Join me on this journey. #JOURNEY2FREE

Journey with me…
https://journey2free.com
https://www.facebook.com/Journey2Free/
https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/110088415741561503460/110088415741561503460
https://twitter.com/Journey2Free
https://www.instagram.com/rhone.rizzy/

Emails: Journeyfree2@gmail.com, Journey2free@outlook.com

Fighting Against Childhood Sexual Abuse

#ChildhoodSexualAbuse

Day 1 Court Begins… (CSA)

12 Feb

Capturing the moments… As mentioned in a previous video, I tried to chronicle the last six weeks of my court case as best as I could. Finally gaining the courage to stand up for myself and SO many others. I decided to take that stand and file charges against the man who raped and violated me and several other family members years ago.

There were days I was strong and felt empowered and days that I got so emotional and overwhelmed!  Speaking your Truth, standing up for self, seeking justice and writing a wrong will definitely bring additional stressors BUT the strength gained is priceless!

Journey with me…
https://journey2free.com
https://www.facebook.com/Journey2Free/
https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/110088415741561503460/110088415741561503460
https://twitter.com/Journey2Free
https://www.instagram.com/rhone.rizzy/

Emails: Journeyfree2@gmail.com, Journey2Free@outlook.com

Reassign the Shame… Speak!

Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) & The Labels We Wear…

8 Feb

Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) and the LABELS we wear… More often than not, a child that has been Sexually Abused go inward. Children, victims (some) are often asked directly or indirectly to suppress, to cover, to hide, to shield. This action then creates a negative chain reaction…

FEAR: The most significant of the labels. Fear, experienced in many different ways and varies on a case by case basis. However, the fear similarly experienced by the majority; The fear initially instilled by the perpetrator, he/she making do on said threat (For me it was the threat of cutting my younger siblings throats while they slept) Fear of being ostracized, criticized, judged, not being believed, the fear of someone finding out…

LIES: The lies we are forced to tell, we basically lie to everyone but the biggest lie, the lies we tell ourselves.

GUILT: The guilt we feel caused by knowing, thinking, feeling I/we did something bad or wrong.

SHAME: The embarrassment, the feeling of sadness and constant regret, afraid of being disgraced.

PAIN: The pain of having to live a life suppressing, covering, lying, maintaining secrets, pretending; The memories, the sudden and unanticipated flashbacks, the anxiety etc

SECRECY: Forced, sometimes asked and expected of a victim not to speak about their experience/ordeal. Victims are forced to cover for family, for the perpetrator (especially that of a family member, family friend, a prominent or (considered) elite etc) because no-one wants to talk or acknowledge truth…

ANGER: Victims become angry, often times wanting to speak, to share, wanting someone to acknowledge your pain and come to your aid but, more often than not, there is no-one there.

SHAME: Victims are ofter made to feel as if they/we were the reason or cause of the abuse, that they/we somehow wanted, warranted, caused or deserved being raped, fondled and violated. Family members, relatives, friends, society often blames the victim. Some parents blame the child/children…

UNWORTHY: The feeling of unworthiness, feeling disgusted, worthless, nasty, filthy, used and used up…

HELPLESS: Having no-one to turn to or confide in. Feeling alone and unsure of what to do.

LONELINESS: Being alone, misunderstood and isolated

TORMENT: The extreme mental, emotional and physical pain…

ANGUISH: Suffering mental grief, confusion, pain…

MISTRUST: Violators, perpetrators are often a family member, relatives, trusted friend, pastors, coaches, a person thats expected to protect a child should be able to trust but…

SUPPRESSED: As victims we suppress we are forced to keep it all bottled inside, we don’t speak, we often pretend all is well, and, asked and expected to lead normal lives.

These are just a few of the labels we wear as victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse, BUT for those of us that still struggle, we CAN and will SHED these labels… 

Let’s Reassign The Shame… Speak! 

Join me as I/we shed these labels and journey2free. From my heart to yours! God Bless