My name is Larissa Rhone. I’m from a tiny little island in the Caribbean name Jamaica. I’m a mother of two and the eldest of six. For years I tried to make sense of the cards in which I was dealt in my life. I found ways in which to cope. I focused on everyone around me, became a Ms. Fix it for all, as a way to deflect from what I needed to address. In my personal life, I did whatever was necessary to run away from my thoughts, I worked, school, participated in church and other social events, attended my siblings events, anything to avoid being alone with ME. I would face one set back after the other. My health was declining, but I never cared to stop, I had to keep moving. Then my siblings started leaving, having their own life’s. I tried countless hobbies, was never dedicated or disciplined enough to finish or half way complete anything I started. Just a few years ago I decided to retreat, I felt myself slipping into a state of depression. I needed to figure out the meaning of it all, what my purpose was?! I soon realized in order for me to do so I had to dig deep, I had to travel to some unpleasant places, journey to the corners of my mind and awaken things I had suppressed for years. I was slowly dying and I wasn’t doing much to help myself.
I started my autobiography, in fact, I decided to work on my memoirs simultaneously which are still sitting on my night table. I got to about two chapters in each, and, yup, you guessed it, I deflected! Writing my story proved too challenging, I would have to revisit some ugly places, which mentally I wasn’t prepared. I knew however I loved writing, I dabbled in speech writing, poetry, writing for friends, don’t know if I was any good but hey, I wrote, until yup! I stopped that too…funny!
Why now?! It’s rather freaking scary going this route, because a lot of my blogs will be on a personal note, I know I’m going to be judged, ostracized, get the backlash, the rude and insensitive comments with others taking offense and personalizing my choice and actions, the assumptions and judgement will come, the unwanted or never asked for opinions, the critics will come out … BUT
As you know, its taboo to speak about Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA). Family and society tells us, it would be better for us to take our issues to your grave. Silently die inside, that’s much better! Well, I can’t keep dying anymore! This much I have proven, God sustained me through it all! There is a reason, there is something bigger than me, a destiny I must fulfill. This blog serves as my therapy, my recovery! A blog about my journey to acknowledgment, acceptance, personal growth, self discovery and my personal freedom.
This is my choice, recording the accounts of MY LIFE which entails years of sexual abuse, living with a chronic disease, betrayal, mistrust, resentment, emotional torment and mental anguish. For years I struggled with acceptance and love! I’m beginning to realize the love and acceptance I sought was there, by the way of my very siblings I so deeply loved, a few relatives, friends, last but surely not least God! I’m walking blindly by faith, blinders on walking into that which he has prepared for me, that which I was destined to become.
Here is to the past, the present, the future me. I’m shedding the veil of anger, resentment and mistrust, slowly but surely discarding the blanket of unforgiveness I safely wrapped myself in for years, coyly de-robing, emerging from a cocoon of fear that debilitated me and eagerly and anxiously stepping into the Me that God intended for Me to be.
I’m on way, I’m journeying to free!!! Join me as I/we Journey2Free!