My name is Larissa H. Rhone; I am a trauma survivor from a tiny little island in the Caribbean name Jamaica. I am a mother of two and the eldest of six. For years I tried to make sense of the cards I was dealt in life. I found ways in which to cope. I focused on everyone around me, became a Ms. Fix it for all as a way to deflect from what I needed to address. In my personal life, I did whatever was necessary to run away from my thoughts; I worked, school, participated in church and other social events, attended my sibling’s events, anything to avoid being alone with ME. But, I would face one set back after the other.
My health was declining, but I never cared to stop; I had to keep moving. My siblings then started leaving home, having their own lives. I tried countless hobbies, was never dedicated or disciplined enough to finish or halfway complete anything I started.
Just a few years ago, I decided to retreat; I felt myself slipping into a state of depression. I needed to figure out the meaning of it all; What was my purpose?!
I soon realized for me to do so, I had to dig deep, I had to travel to some unpleasant places, a journey to the corners of my mind, and awaken things I had suppressed for years. I was slowly dying, and I wasn’t doing much to help myself. I started my memoirs, which is still sitting on my night table. I got to about two chapters in each, and, you guessed it, I deflected! Writing my story proved challenging. I would have to revisit some rather ugly places from my past, and I was not ready to do so mentally. However, I knew I loved writing, I dabbled in speech writing, poetry, writing for friends, don’t know if I was any good, but hey, I wrote, until yup! I stopped that too… funny!
Why now?! It is freaking scary, going this route. My blog’s written from a deeply personal place. I know I will be judged, ostracized, and receive backlash, rude and insensitive comments. Some will take offense and personalizing my choice and actions, the assumptions and judgments will come, the unwanted or never asked for opinions, the critics will come out, BUT…
Its taboo to speak about Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA). Family and society tell us that it would be better to take our issues to our grave. Silently die inside; that’s much better!
Well, I can’t keep dying anymore! I have proven it, and God sustained me through it all! There is a reason; there is something bigger than me, a destiny I must fulfill. This blog serves as my therapy, my recovery! It is a blog about my journey to acknowledgment, acceptance, personal growth, self-discovery, and freedom.
I decided, recording the accounts of MY LIFE, which entails years of sexual abuse, living with a chronic disease, betrayal, mistrust, resentment, emotional torment, and mental anguish. For years I struggled with acceptance and love! I’m beginning to realize the love and acceptance I sought was there, by way of my very siblings, I so deeply loved, a few relatives, friends, last but surely not least, God! I’m walking blindly by faith, blinders on, walking into that which He has prepared and that which I’m destined to be.
Here is to the past, the present, and the future me. I am shedding the veil of anger, resentment, and mistrust. Slowly but surely discarding the blanket of unforgiveness I safely wrapped myself in for years, coyly de-robing, emerging from a cocoon of fear that debilitated me and eagerly and anxiously stepping into the Me that God intended for Me to be.
I’m on the way; I’m journeying to free!!! Join me as I/we Journey2Free!