Each time I thought about attending the party, I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. An internal tug of war was taking place. I was doing it again. Once again, I allowed myself to be conflicted at the expectation and request of a loved one. I still struggled with saying […]
The plans were underway, no-one bothered to include me or even ask, was it that they knew I wouldn’t be interested in attending, or was it something more sinister? Could it be they didn’t want me there for fear of contention? December 20th, 2016 – Was the last time I spoke to and was physically in […]
**TRIGGER WARNING** Discussions of Child Sexual Abuse. Episodes may contain graphic details. THE SMELL STILL LINGERS TILL TODAY! – After contracting a sexually transmitted disease at age seven (7), a sixty (60) year old Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivor FINALLY speaks. Hurting for over fifty (50) spent years, she carried the turmoil doing what so many […]
The threats are reeling in. The vile and insensitive remarks are endless, the accusations, and assumptions are piling on and the questions are many! I have gone and done the unthinkable, the inexcusable, and the unforgivable. I spoke and am speaking my truth! I promised myself I would refrain from writing angry but recent occurrences cause me to want to vent a little.
I lost my innocence to a cousin on a bedroom floor, raped repeatedly for years by my grandmothers husband and was touched inappropriately by an uncle all between the ages of 5 and 16.
Retreat Nights were the hardest. I was preoccupied throughout the days. I kept myself busy (another unhealthy form of coping) I did what I knew best, put on a brave face, smiled, and performed my way through the pain while attending to my obligations. It’s a tough call when your obligations include motivating and inspiring others while […]
Rejection Rejection highlight insecurities, uprooting even that which was believed to be settled. The feeling of rejection to the average human can be horrifying, but for someone that carries with them unhealed wounds, rejection can be devastatingly traumatic, damning to one’s self – esteem and crushing to the soul. My heart had been broken before, […]
“Survivor guilt (also called survivor syndrome or survivor disorder) is a mental condition that occurs when a person believes they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not, often feeling self-guilt.” (Wikipedia) I never gave much thought to its meaning until my therapist mentioned ‘me’ and ‘survivors quilt’ in the […]
VERTIGO The Merriam Webster Dictionary definition of vertigo: – a sensation of motion in which the individual’s surroundings seems to whirl dizzily. I’m at a point in my life where I’m learning to just (hahahahaha) laugh at life’s hiccups. After not posting for so long, I had a personal goal, a little pact I made […]