Family – Love Redefined…

When you decide to speak up about child sexual abuse, you will experience various reactions from various people. Survivors would like to believe ‘family’ will be the most supportive, but often times we experience the opposite. My experience was no different. Oprah once said “sometimes you have to divorce your family” I’m not sure who divorced whom in my case, but I knew some separation took place. On this my Journey 2 Free; I had to accept my new reality, one I’ve grown accustom to, for after all, I had to choose me, my sanity, my health and my well being over family, it was either that or the mental asylum, I choose the former. Love Redefined was written last year as a journal entry but just this past week I bore witness to the character assassination and verbal abuse of a few family and friends at the hands (and dare I say mouth) of family, because they too choose to speak of their ordeals. A new day has dawned and while ‘we’ survivors garner the strength and the courage to speak up and out, please bare in mind being judged, being called names and worst ‘being called a liar’ is seemingly apart of the speaking out process, I implore us ALL as survivors to STAND IN YOUR TRUTH regardless of what ‘they‘ may say:

Love Redefined

My family made me question, rethink and re-evaluate the definition of Love.

I use to believe we were tight, so inter-connected, a closely knit bunch, we would hang-out, be cordial, do the things expected of us to do like talk about accomplishments, about each other, and what uncle, aunty or cousin so and so was up to, we congratulate when congratulations were in order, you know, the usual things families do, then part ways, go back to our respective places, and when need arise we do it again;

 BUT

If you want to truly know how tightly knit, and who’s with, for or against you, do something like I did, and watch the family split; How dare you do something the uppities and overly self-righteous don’t agree with?!

So, I spoke up and sought justice for an injustice that span generations in the family, knowing the act was wrong, it’s not that THEY didn’t know, or understand, but no-one took action, so the injustice prolonged. Everyone has an opinion, this is true, the opinions ranged from girl go ahead do you! To WHO DARE YOU SPEAK, AND SPEAK ABOUT WHAT WAS DONE TO YOU?!  Accused of bringing shame and disgrace on the family, some dared to say I brought embarrassment on my dear old granny, but granny had a choice to make, and so did I! She choose to side with her husband, I choose to speak in hopes of saving lives.

Grandma’s husband is a pedeophile and after the lives he’s ruined, she’s still by his side yet, some family members behaved as if victims committing suicide would have been more acceptable than confronting the one performing mental genocide, murdering the self-esteems and shattering prides and forcibly taking with delight the innocences of the female babies on her side

In this family, we struggle with a chronic case of duplicity, some may say split personalities but, I call it blatant hypocrisy, this particular act stems from the matriarch of the family, yes, it rots from the head of the tree!

I would listen to grandma and some relatives speak with great delight of others while they were in their sight, but the moment their backs were turned the compliments also took flight. They are bold, saying what they need to say, but to get their way they’ve mastered their craft, learning how to manipulate, so, it comes as no surprise when this family split, and for my part I’ll gladly take ownership. I spoke up and out and yes sought justice for the injustice, while some did what they do best, pretending to be supportive of cousins, sisters, daughters while spreading propaganda to others, by now, they are well versed in spreading their unintentional lies intentionally. Hypocrisy is the name of the game, unfortunately sown and deeply rooted in some of the off springs veins, for I’ve never before seen a set more versed in knowing truth but instead, intentionally and purposefully propagate and circulate lies, yet the question remains, Why?!

Why did so many take this personally, when my issue was with the one that raped me?! Why?! They weren’t there, yet the majority felt the need to tell me how they think I should feel and the audacity to offer a timeframe of healing and recovery at their suggested speed!

Love Redefined: I’m not sure what Love means anymore, see, my family have me questioning 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4, for their love was neither patient, nor was it kind but instead crude, cruel and harmful combined. They tried to shame me into thinking I was wrong to speak, blatantly telling me, it’s attention I seek. I’ve heard this saying repeatedly, but it’s one with which I’m afraid I can’t agree that “no matter how we fuss and fight we still are family!” Unfortunately, that maybe so biologically but beside’s that fact, there’s some actions taken and some words spoken from which we can’t back!

They are ways to handle feuds and conflicts between friends and family, and that is where we all agree to disagree, Respectfully! BUT NO, Not in my family! For it’s a pissing contest to prove who’s draws is tighter than the rest, not to mention the heated war of words to see who can verbally humiliate, assassinate and pulverize the other. We send threats and beat our breasts and puff our chest and spew flames of fire, until all that’s left are the chard remains of what use to be,  We use to be…

 FAMILY

Dearest Grandma…

For years I was asked not to speak about being raped by my maternal grandmothers husband for the sake of protecting my grandmother. Her daughters had grown up with this fear that her husband would have killed her had THEY spoken out about him raping THEM. So, when grandma’s husband turned his gaze upon me at five (5) and began raping me at eleven (11) and even after sticking his fingers inside the body of my three year old sister, we were STILL held to secrecy for the sake of protecting Dearest Grandma from her husband.

I am the first grandchild for my grandmother, my mother her first child and after finding out in my adult years that my own mother was also raped by my grandmothers husband from ages six through sixteen (6-16) I was STILL asked NOT to speak to ‘protect my grandmother’. The level of betrayal I felt from the women in my family got to it’s tipping point when I finally broke my silence and spoke out about the years of abuse. I sought justice and there to meet me every day in court was my ‘grandmother’ who was present in full support of her ‘husband’. I cannot express or put into words what that felt like, seeing the woman that I was asked to shield, show up in defense of the man that raped my mother, myself and fondled a three year old.

After having several conversations with my ‘grandmother’ and realizing that she would have NEVER left her rapist husband’s side for the likes of her offsprings, the harsh reality set in that the matriarch of my family was and is complicit with the evil she brought home. Now, I’m just left to wonder, is that type of mental illness hereditary?!

This spoken piece was written back on February 17th of this year. It was just one of those days when the tears flowed uncontrollably when I thought about the indescribable pain of loss and betrayal I’ve had to endure for 35 long years for the sake of this woman, the woman from who’s loins I descended, the woman that looked at me and asked “can’t you find it in your heart to just get past this, it’s been so long ago?!” Now, this is the lineage from which I was birthed…

Join me as I/WE journey2free. From my heart to yours.

All rights are reserved by Larissa H. Rhone

Thanks to St. Thomas Events for their dedication to bringing this piece to life.
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We Need More Voices!

Over the course of the last 10 months I’ve had this recurring experience, each and every time I open my mouth and speak about Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) regardless of where I am and to whom I am speaking, I find that individual or person’s I’m addressing have experience this ordeal or, they know someone that have had the experience. I have seen and have read the stats, and I must admit I am left questioning the approximation of the (one in every three (3) girls and one in every six (6) boys figure). I happen to know that the stat’s recorded is that of reported cases, which leaves me dumbfounded and truly afraid, questioning what is the actual figure?! How many of US are their really?! How many of US have actually experienced this evil AND how many more will their be?!

More light is being shed on this topic in recent years HOWEVER, much more NEEDS to be done! CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE ALTERS AND YES, RUINS LIVES!!!

In the underdeveloped mind of a child their sense of wonder and optimisms is interrupted, trust is broken, curiosity altered and everything that was once beautiful, innocent and a mystery is now mystified and fuddled. Behaviors that follow often perplex others. A  child that has been sexually violated will NEVER be the same! A shift happens in their brain and the act of betrayal permeates every fiber of their being. Studies show that victims of Child Sexual Abuse displays one or more of these harmful symptoms, symptoms such as:

Depression

Addiction

Suicide

Homicide

Psychosis

Intimacy

Dissociation

Trust Issues

Promiscuity

Self Mutilation

Self Esteem Issues

Anxiety/Panic Attacks

Sexual Dysfunction

Anti-social Personality

Sexual Identity Disorder

Withdrawals and the list goes on…

Many of these symptoms manifest during adulthood and many symptoms go undetected for years. For far too long Child Sexual Abuse have remained the most taboo topic. Many still struggle to SPEAK or have a basic discussion, yet, it’s still happening at an alarming rate! Why?! Victims struggle to speak, because (relying on the stats) it’s reported that 93% YES 93% of victims know their abuser. Therefore, it causes US victims to remain mute, ashamed and afraid because God forbid someone finds out my father, mother, grand-pappy, uncle, aunty, pastor, coach, teacher, brother, sister, cousin raped or sexually violated me, oh the horror, the judgement, what will the world think of me and how will I be viewed? The truth is, these predators strive of our silence, oh yes!  Our not speaking enables and emboldens the perp. I heard it said that SILENCE IS A PREDATORS BEST FRIEND, and this proved true not only in my case, but almost in every case!

In my life I have dealt with and experience ‘several‘ of these symptoms. I will be sharing my personal experience with some of these symptoms in hopes others will be able to relate and identify. But, in the meantime I encourage, in fact I implore victims and survivors alike, ‘Be emboldened and let’s start speaking out!‘ Our life, our children’s life depends on it! Being sexually violated is NOT your shame!

Let’s Reassign The Shame and focus on saving another from having to live with the torment! From my heart to yours… Journey 2 Free.