Life is amazing! The events that happens daily, weekly, monthly, yearly amazes me… It’s the simply things that amazes me the most…Over the course of the last three weeks, I have witnessed, experienced and been amazed at the events, overcome with deep sadness, joy, excitement and the overwhelming feeling of appreciation and thanks. The beauty of this thing called life came full circle for me, in three short weeks. I attended the funeral of a beloved cousin and childhood friend, Ms. Khadine Nugent. I had the distinct honor of witnessing my little cousin say I do, and I have seen firsthand and received joy from sharing in the preparation and welcoming of my newest baby cousin to this world, all this while confronting one of my biggest feat…

At your funeral… As I looked on, in sadness and sorrow as you laid in that casket, serene, at peace and free. I cried. I cried for several reasons, as I sat through the service a million thoughts flooded my mind… I thought that it could have easily been me, and what would my legacy have been? I lived for thirty-four years trodding a path I was less than happy with. I lived for all these years, appeasing egos, covering shames, suppressing traumas, and taking on the responsibility of others, etc… I would not have been able to say I truly lived. I thought of the things I’m so afraid to say, and do… The places I want to go, the people I would love to meet, the crazy things I would love to try… I thought of, the apologies I haven’t made yet, the people I truly care for that I haven’t told, and the ones that don’t care for me and to yet to them I continuously hold…I sobbed uncontrollably as your daughter sang, displaying such strength without shedding a single tear, thinking I would have wanted to say exactly what I felt but feared I couldn’t get through it, I was right! But I wept at the thought of not knowing when my day will come, praying it’s not while my child is young, praying I will be granted the opportunity to show him love and prove to him, his mama was able to stand even though she was a fearful one… I thought of the things you didn’t get to do and how many chances you lost to tell your daughter “I love you”… With every reference to your love for your daughter, I sobbed a little harder while I prayed to God to extend my days so I can see my beautiful boy develop into a man.  I cried for unfulfilled dreams and wishes. I cried because I realized how much of a coward I have been, I know now that I will do whatever I believe is right in my heart, regardless of what the masses say.  So with the deep pain in my heart realizing you’re gone rest assured you will remain apart… It sounds crazy but I know you dying was not in-vain… I will try my best to live each day,with a clean heart and of sound mind, paving the way… It came to mind, on the day you were born, you were alone and on the day you died, you went alone, on the day you were committed to the ground you were… alone, so please know you have driven the point home, alone you came, alone you shall depart. I will fight my fight even if I fight alone! So for now all I can say is sleep my beautiful cousin and childhood friend, rest peacefully in your father’s arms while our hearts mend,  till we meet again my dear cousin, fly…

Wk Two 

I stood inside the hall with family, friends, well-wishers and onlookers witnessing the exchanging of vows from a younger cousin. A cousin I watched grow from a toddler to a man, now he stood  before me saying “I DO” as he was transformed before my very eyes going from a single guy to a married man, the thoughts that went through my head then was a prayer that their union would be blessed and while some of us wondered if he was too young or it was too soon to take the plunge and carry out his love, devotion and loyalty to this beautiful young woman in this fashion.  Truth be told, it was his decision to do so, as we watched and celebrated with them we prayed for many blessings, guidance and love be the tie that bound their hearts together in unity in love and as one… I marveled at the awesomeness of God for I realized the week prior I said goodbye but then we welcomed a new cousin through the union of marriage.

Wk Three

A little angel made her appearance some two months early…Another cousin shared with me some months ago, his girlfriend was expecting…this would be his first child, and I was honored and thrilled to have been considered important enough for him to share this, his news with me the moment they found out. I was anxious and excited for I knew not only will he be an awesome father but finally my aunt, would experience the joy of having a grand-child. To add to my excitement I was thrilled to be asked to help in the baby naming process, of course my suggested names were not chosen lol and that’s OK… this precious angel could not wait to make her grand entrance into the world, so as her mom Ms. Love succumbed to the rapid rise in her blood pressure she was forced to bring out the newest member of our family into the world. So we know join forces in welcoming our little angel Lisha-Kaye Kiana Panton to the fold.