Court. Day’s 5 & 6

Fighting Against Childhood Sexual Abuse

Standing up for what you believe in and seeking justice in the fight against Child Sexual Abuse seems like an unattainable feat. The challenges, and obstacles presented, the mental struggles, the emotional upheaval having to go back, to relive the memories, the flashbacks, the nightmares… Who knowingly and willingly wants to put themselves through this harsh and rather painful experience? I do and I did!

I HAD TO GO BACK TO MOVE FORWARD! I was tired and exhausted from feeling like a complete stranger in my own body. I was existing but my very existence felt foreign to me. I often felt like an intruder into my own life and body. I was robbed. I was wounded. I was broken. I got tired of living like a mere fraction trying desperately to be whole, but being or feeling whole evaded me.

I brought him (my abuser) to court after thirty (30) long years! The process was EXTREMELY trying and difficult but so worth it! As challenging and difficult as it was and despite the fact the defense attorney tried to paint an awful picture of me to make his case, the feeling of looking my abuser in the eyes (as dreadful as it was at times) I was slowly but surely taking my power back from the BASTARD that had stolen my innocence and robbed me of my self-worth, my trust, MY CHILDHOOD…

Today I stand however, determined to TAKE IT ALL BACK… Join me on this journey. #JOURNEY2FREE

Journey with me…


Fighting Against Childhood Sexual Abuse


Day 1 Court Begins… (CSA)

Capturing the moments… As mentioned in a previous video, I tried to chronicle the last six weeks of my court case as best as I could. Finally gaining the courage to stand up for myself and SO many others. I decided to take that stand and file charges against the man who raped and violated me and several other family members years ago.

There were days I was strong and felt empowered and days that I got so emotional and overwhelmed!  Speaking your Truth, standing up for self, seeking justice and writing a wrong will definitely bring additional stressors BUT the strength gained is priceless!

Journey with me…


Reassign the Shame… Speak!

Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) & The Labels We Wear…

Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) and the LABELS we wear… More often than not, a child that has been Sexually Abused go inward. Children, victims (some) are often asked directly or indirectly to suppress, to cover, to hide, to shield. This action then creates a negative chain reaction…

FEAR: The most significant of the labels. Fear, experienced in many different ways and varies on a case by case basis. However, the fear similarly experienced by the majority; The fear initially instilled by the perpetrator, he/she making do on said threat (For me it was the threat of cutting my younger siblings throats while they slept) Fear of being ostracized, criticized, judged, not being believed, the fear of someone finding out…

LIES: The lies we are forced to tell, we basically lie to everyone but the biggest lie, the lies we tell ourselves.

GUILT: The guilt we feel caused by knowing, thinking, feeling I/we did something bad or wrong.

SHAME: The embarrassment, the feeling of sadness and constant regret, afraid of being disgraced.

PAIN: The pain of having to live a life suppressing, covering, lying, maintaining secrets, pretending; The memories, the sudden and unanticipated flashbacks, the anxiety etc

SECRECY: Forced, sometimes asked and expected of a victim not to speak about their experience/ordeal. Victims are forced to cover for family, for the perpetrator (especially that of a family member, family friend, a prominent or (considered) elite etc) because no-one wants to talk or acknowledge truth…

ANGER: Victims become angry, often times wanting to speak, to share, wanting someone to acknowledge your pain and come to your aid but, more often than not, there is no-one there.

SHAME: Victims are ofter made to feel as if they/we were the reason or cause of the abuse, that they/we somehow wanted, warranted, caused or deserved being raped, fondled and violated. Family members, relatives, friends, society often blames the victim. Some parents blame the child/children…

UNWORTHY: The feeling of unworthiness, feeling disgusted, worthless, nasty, filthy, used and used up…

HELPLESS: Having no-one to turn to or confide in. Feeling alone and unsure of what to do.

LONELINESS: Being alone, misunderstood and isolated

TORMENT: The extreme mental, emotional and physical pain…

ANGUISH: Suffering mental grief, confusion, pain…

MISTRUST: Violators, perpetrators are often a family member, relatives, trusted friend, pastors, coaches, a person thats expected to protect a child should be able to trust but…

SUPPRESSED: As victims we suppress we are forced to keep it all bottled inside, we don’t speak, we often pretend all is well, and, asked and expected to lead normal lives.

These are just a few of the labels we wear as victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse, BUT for those of us that still struggle, we CAN and will SHED these labels… 

Let’s Reassign The Shame… Speak! 

Join me as I/we shed these labels and journey2free. From my heart to yours! God Bless


I simply cannot believe it’s been almost two years since my last post. It has been so long, and truthfully I have missed you, and I have missed posting! I missed hearing from you and frankly, I missed writing! I haven’t given up my fight, my quest for complete and total freedom of the mind. I must admit, some days were and are trying, the truth however is, I now experience more emotional highs than lows. I do believe I’m well on my way.

My confession: The process became so overwhelming and frustrating at times. I sometimes questioned my motives, my will and my ability to proceed, but I never once felt like quitting, giving up or giving in.  It’s been a long and tedious experience waiting for this trial to begin and being mute after it began came with a price, I’m reminded ever so often though as to the why I embarked on this journey. I am still waiting, waiting patiently to have my day in court. It’s been one hell of a roller coaster ride, experiencing all the different emotions, BUT still holding on. Yes, a difficult process but one that’s also rewarding, and soon enough I will be able to share the details, the good, the bad, the ugly and the indifferent.

I have not forgotten you, neither have I given up on my journey, “MY JOURNEY TO FREEDOM”. So much has happened since my last post, I have experienced so much during this time. I have done so much since then, accomplished some goals, surpassed some major hurdles, reached new levels in my personal growth, however I have achieved very little in a certain quest.

During my blogging hiatus however, one of my greatest achievement was the birth of my beautiful son Josah-Amare. Josah was a needed and welcomed blessing and distraction from all the ugliness i was experiencing. My pregnancy wasn’t without its fair share of test and challenges, Josah named by his then three year old brother. was a gift in the midst of one of my biggest hurdles to date. I know for sure being pregnant and highly stressed is a sure way to cause disaster but, we came through, not unscathed,  but we made it! We are doing well. Amidst all this I learned a few things, gained some new insight and was reminded and reassured of things I may have forgotten.

Things like:

  • People seldom change.
  • Be very careful how you respond to tensed and high stress moments, because “moments are fleeting, you may have regrets”.
  •  “Some people are only in your lives but for a season”, there come a time to prune and weed excess baggage/dead weight.
  • Some folks will NEVER see the good you do, do it anyhow.
  • Not everyone can/may see or accept change or truth for that matter.
  • Don’t take things personally, “just shake some things off and let some people go”.
  • No matter how difficult a situation be courageous, push through or be pulled or it sucks you under.
  • The level of despair and self-worth for some have been so far removed, your best bet is to severe your ties.
  • People will naturally gravitate to what they know best.
  • You can’t, You CANNOT help a person that doesn’t see the need or require help.

I implore you my fellow journey2freeitzs seek freedom in whatever way suitable and freeing to you! It’s of utmost importance, in order to be at peace and sweet contentment, we must no longer cover, hide, suppress, turn a blind eye, conceal secrets and/or restrict, refrain, reject, refuse or deny ourselves total and complete peace.

I will resume posting very soon, as I now realize in order to maintain some level of normalcy, better yet my sanity I must do so! It sounds hilarious but ever so true. I’m still limited to what I can say in regards to my pending trial, but there is so much more to do and so I am literally bursting at the seams as I want to get on with this, it’s ripping my heart to shreds watching, reading and constantly hearing of stories of children being abused daily, something have to be done, we need to unite to protect our children! I love you and I’m so eager to hear from you.

As always, join me as I/we journey to free. The path traveled may be winding and long, it will be difficult and time-consuming but I promise it’s all worth it. Speak, act, do something! Lets play our part or any part in eradicating this evil CSA and protect our children, our society and our sanity.

From my heart to yours:

With Love



It’s a new day, a different time, a younger, smarter generation, a more advanced/modernized era, YET, so many are still stuck with the mindset, that of the 1800/1900 hundreds… 

Child Sexual Abuse can never, should never, and will NEVER be the shame/embarrassment of a child to bear! That shame/embarrassment should fall squarely on the abusers shoulders…
If you have been sexually abused as a CHILD, fondled, kissed, penetrated etc… IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, IT IS NOT YOUR SHAME!!!
This is the only way we can begin to shed some light on this sick, deprave, vile act (s) against our most precious and vulnerable… OUR CHILDREN
If you know someone who is struggling today, and don’t have the courage to stand, STAND with/up for this person… PLEASE!!!
Child Sexual Abuse is a monstrous plague, plaguing the minds, the hearts, the lives of so many in our society… THIS MUST END!!!
I will stand up and be counted, I  was a victim that refused to be a victim forever… STAND UP, HAVE COURAGE, TAKE YOUR LIVES BACK!!!
SPEAK!!! Put them all to shame, it is in fact your responsibility to she’d light on the situation! YOU MAY SAVE ONE!
Save one little girl, save one little boy… SPEAK!!!
REMEMBER, These acts were done to us, by folks that were suppose to guide, protect, love and directs us, they made their choice to defile us! IT’S NO FAULT OF OURS/YOURS! It is however our duty to ensure another doesn’t fall prey to our abusers and others… 
We learn lessons to apply, to encourage, to teach… You, YOU have the power to stop a cycle… SPEAK!!!

If we remain mum, we allow perpetrators, pedophiles, abusers to roam free! You then become an enabler… Let’s play our part…