Each time I thought about attending the party, I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. An internal tug of war was taking place. I was doing it again. Once again, I allowed myself to be conflicted at the expectation and request of a loved one. I still struggled with saying […]
The threats are reeling in. The vile and insensitive remarks are endless, the accusations, and assumptions are piling on and the questions are many! I have gone and done the unthinkable, the inexcusable, and the unforgivable. I spoke and am speaking my truth! I promised myself I would refrain from writing angry but recent occurrences cause me to want to vent a little.
I lost my innocence to a cousin on a bedroom floor, raped repeatedly for years by my grandmothers husband and was touched inappropriately by an uncle all between the ages of 5 and 16.
“Survivor guilt (also called survivor syndrome or survivor disorder) is a mental condition that occurs when a person believes they have done something wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not, often feeling self-guilt.” (Wikipedia) I never gave much thought to its meaning until my therapist mentioned ‘me’ and ‘survivors quilt’ in the […]
These pictures represent a turning point in my life, age 5 (I was first molested) Age 11 (I was first raped… What do you see in this child’s eyes? I lost my innocence to a cousin on a bedroom floor, raped repeatedly for years by my grandmothers husband and was touched inappropriately by an uncle all […]
“To love others you must first love yourself” Leo Buscaglia Cliches are common, I have been known to repeat a few, a good cliche used correctly can help you to drive home a point and change the direction of a conversation. Some cliche’s however, like the one highlighted above for me, just never took. I […]
Over the course of the last 10 months I’ve had this recurring experience, each and every time I open my mouth and speak about Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) regardless of where I am and to whom I am speaking, I find that individual or person’s I’m addressing have experience this ordeal or, they know someone […]
There’s been a knot in my chest since the 2nd of April 2017, I’ve had several nightmares since then. I am uneasy, I keep replaying calling you, begging for you to wake up dad, to grant me the opportunity to say a proper and final goodbye. I have shed countless tears in private as well […]
A Grandmother’s Betrayal… CHOOSE YOU!!! Some days were unbearable (emotionally). Sitting across from the matriarch of the family, knowing she’s present at court not because of her daughters and granddaughters, but instead in support of her husband that sexually abused her daughters and granddaughters… Some days were tough! Court: Day 7 This day was rather […]
“Your mother gives you your identity as a woman” (Iyanla Vanzant) hmm-mm I don’t know…Is this really true? I will be able to agree or disagree at the end of my release. I have been rather hesitant to write this post, and the others that will follow, I agonized over the wording, what should I […]