I am too frequently uneasy, restless, tormented, with a heavy heart, burdened down and bound! Easily angered, unable to be free, I’m dissatisfied. I’m beginning to resent me! I have cried and scream, scream and cried, hoping someone hears me! To no avail, I must save me!!
I’m in dire need of peace and serenity! My mind is continuously going; the voices need to be quiet. I’m not crazy! No! just in urgent need, to unleash, unwind, release. I’m carrying trauma’s handed down to me, guilt I own, and blame placed on me. I am harboring shame not meant for me. I have given enough, harbored too long, hid my truth while protecting others wrong! I am outspoken yet quiet for too long! The time is now the time has come.
I’m scared. I’m anxious! I’m embarking on a journey, that currently has my stomach in knots. I am genuinely afraid, but excited, did I mention afraid? Been often told I could and should write a book about my life, and in recent years, I’ve been encouraged to blog. I had the desire, the hankering, the eagerness, the impulse to do so, and I will, but fear!
Fear muted my abilities, attempted to restrict the voice within me. Ironically, I’ve wondered if some folks knew that they would be entwined or implicated in my story, would they have instructed me differently?
I knew I had to, and I needed to. It was of the utmost importance for me to do so! I have only been able to cope with the test, trials, and torment of my experiences, my life, and my journey through this method, yet I couldn’t bring myself to the actualization of publicizing my life.
I stumbled upon writing as a means to an end—a form of release, a coping mechanism.
My earliest memory of writing – I wrote when overwhelmed, I had to free myself of my thoughts. I needed to trust, but barely so consumed and enthralled by the hurt, the pains, the shame that I couldn’t bring myself to share, Why? Afraid! Afraid of being judged, scrutinized, not believed, I resorted to writing. I would record thoughts, jot down ideas, scribble wishes, desires, dreams. Express myself in whatever form I choose. I later realized and understood that I was journaling, my only haven. So here I go, just another format, same concept. I’m not ready, but then again, I will never be; therefore, I’m leaping!
My fifteen seconds of bravery is approaching, Journey to Free!!!, for on hitting the post button on my first entry, my process of development begins. My journey, Journey to Free, Journey of self-discovery, growth, and the evolution of me. Forced to conquer my fears,
I don’t intend to revamp or change what has already done. I don’t profess to know everything, and I may not have the correct verbiage to express or expand on all topics.
I am not an English major. I don’t even remember where to place all my commas, periods, colon, semicolons, and the works. I am not here to demonize, sow discord or cause distress. I refrain from writing when angry or upset even though there is much to be bitter about, for it may impede my ability to be subjective, transparent, honest, precise, or objective. I need my thoughts and words to be free of judgment, disdain, hatred, and assumptions. Even more, I pray that they will be.
I intend to speak from a place of hope, love, encouragement, and inspiration. I strive to be authentic and real to me. The truth is, this is my healing, the beginning of my release, my letting go, my forgiveness of self and others. Blogging is my therapy!
I will not apologize for telling my story. I can only pray that I encourage and inspire others to find the strength, the courage, endurance, and voice of reason, of hope, of change, sooner than later.
I write to repair, preserve my sanity, and stop a vicious cycle of self-hatred, sabotage, and disdain. I write to save and heal me, not to demolish, or cause anguish to anyone, too long have I deflected. As I embark on this journey, join me if you please,
I am putting myself out there, in my attempt to save me! Larissa H. Rhone! Opening up myself to critique, criticism and scrutiny. But here I go, on my Journey to Free!… God, help me! Join me as I/we journey to free.
From my heart to yours,
I will join you and support you on your journey! Fear makes cowards of us all and you have conquered that fear with this beginning. You my dear are well on your way to freedom!
Thanks for the support! Thank you kindly.
Well written. Journey2Free, lets go!
Thanks T…Let’s go baby!
I just wanna say I love and support you.
Thank you so much Jahne. I love you much!
I’m quite impressed with your invoking of emotions that are usually underneath just the sheath of our skin. I like it n is waiting on your invocations.
Thank you Mr. Gordon. Stay tuned…Lol
Larissa God loves you! He will provide all the courage, strength and support you need / deserve. You are an inspiration, and I’m confident that your story will not only provide you with freedom but will serve to motivate others.
Let the journey begin! 🚣
Thank you much Rochelle. Thank you for you kind and inspiring words. Really appreciate it!
I love it, u will help so much people. God bless ur journey.
Thank you Kmell, thanks for the support.
You are amazing, brilliant, brave, intelligent young woman!! I’m so proud of you. Let the journey begin Beautiful!!!!!
Thank you Tes. I really do appreciate the support!
Excellent job you will make a difference to many. I can so relate in so many ways.
Thank you so much! Tee, let’s journey together!
There you go; First step taken!!
Now with one foot in front of the other, just keep going. You know what you need, so don’t stop ’till u get it. You have my love & support, you know that!
The Truth Shall Set You Free!!
That’s it… no looking back! One foot in front of the other…Thank you so much!
Glad to see that you’re finally telling your story. You have a purpose I just pray that you allow God to continue to use you. I’m very proud of you maybe now others will be inspired to have a voice #teamrizzy 🙂
Tear… beautiful words, thank you! It’s my earnest pray that God may use me to strengthen and encourage others. ::)) #teamrizzy#
I was touched and felt your emotions as you were penning these words. I thank that for giving you the courage to do this and hope others will come forward and and free themselves of all these senseless, horrific, and demonic things that was done to them may God grant you a full recovery as you journey on to freedom!
Thank you so much for the support. It is my prayer that others have the courage to come forward and start the healing process. Thank you.